Just relax. Nothing stresses me out more than when someone says that to me.

Relax is a confusing instruction. While it sounds like the person is telling me what to do, in reality they are telling me what not to do. They are telling me not to be tense. And the moment I think of what not to do, I do it even more. 

So when my singing instructor tells me to relax my tongue and my throat, I tighten my throat more and lift my tongue just enough to block any sound I’m trying to make. Lucky for me, Laura Myers, my singing instructor, gets creative when I tense up. First, she asks me to whine like a sad puppy or talk like a cartoon character. While I make those sounds, she instructs me to locate which part of my body vibrates. Then she asks me to sing notes and has me visualize directing sound to specific places in my body. She’ll have me send some notes through my eyebrows and others to the tip of my nose. These exercises relax me, and I’m ready to sing.

Sometimes I tense up when I write. When that happens, I stare at an empty page. No words come to mind. Instead of forcing it, I work on something else. I might research a topic, like the musical instruments that my characters play, or I’ll work on my story outline, which always needs revisions. If that doesn’t work, I go for a walk and let myself daydream. It always helps.